Nothing compares to the joy of standing in a small space that opens up to the skies. Balcony, specifically the one at my apartment was my favorite. It opens to the city below me that always keeps me entertained. Borrowed music that flies around ensures I have a varied playlist, the tantrums of kids downstairs remind me why I should stall adoption for a while, the buzz in the streets keeps my stories going, and most favorite of all – the 3 a.m. window light console me. The time that I spend here, it is my me-time. The time I can be without fear of judgment or shame. Just me. A safe space.
Taking shelter under a rug, I yanked away to spend the Sunday evening with myself. Soon the night spread her blanket over the city and the stars peeped through the pores in the weave. My side eye noticed something in flashy red get into the street. It was a red dress worn by a young woman. She had a caramel complexion and she seemed to have been crying, veiling herself behind her long hair. As I was spying on the scene below, a tall guy walked up to her and held her by her hands. She slowly nodded and looked up at him, I believe he must have been saying something because all I could see was his back and her face. She pursed her lips for a bit then broke into a quick smile. She hugged him. That was when, without a warning, she glanced at me– her eyes twinkled. I smiled back and soon they disappeared into the café again. I could not help but wonder what would have happened, a fight over something silly, or something poignant. But whatever that was, she had forgiven him. I slipped into reflection.
“Maybe. Just maybe I choose to forgive myself, for the bad decisions, for being a shameless harsh self-critic, and for trying to be a perfectionist all the time. I choose to forgive people, all the apologies that I never received. Nevertheless, not naïve to trust them but just enough so that I live my life in harmony. ” The more I thought, the more I felt lighter within.
“Forgive every hate, every anger, every fuckup, and misstep. After all ‘to err is human’ and none are an exception including me”
I heard the church bell chime, its true then absolution can happen anywhere.